Let Me Vent

(One of my favorite movies EVER)

Everyone can say they've been through a lot. The real question is whether it was self inflicted or just a case of bad luck. At the age of 25, I have no answer to that, because I am blessed and highly favored, but still in the process of creating my success story; the one where I tell you all the bad things that happened and end it with "but look what Ive accomplished...Im truly happy now". You can say Im in the bad things that happened faze right now.

Months before the disaster that happened on April 27th, I was going through my own little life disaster. I had a dead-end job with a horrible boss and barely any income. If it werent for loving people in my life, I wouldnt have made it, so I owe them all a chapter in my success story. My bills couldnt get paid off the promises of having my own office in Miami or Nashville, so I lived without power for months. Assuming my poor excuse for a business owner boss was actually telling the truth, I went on these out of town trips selling fragrances and putting off my mother's harsh words of (lack of) encouragement while my power was out thinking "I'll be a business owner soon, and all this will NOT be in vain". I was terribly mistaken...I hadnt seen my family members in months, so around my middle sister's birthday, I took her to see a good friend of mine who also happens to be a singer she liked. After that, all hell broke loose. My mother ended up taking the keys to MY place and I had no way to get in. The next day, I went to jail. Yes, jail...over domestic violence. Why? Because I was hit and I called the police to mediate. The biggest mistake ever! This was three days before my birthday. From then, I still never spoke to my mom and I also lost my home. Right before then, that boss had shut down the business and moved back to Chicago, avoiding warrants and drama in Alabama. So here I am, jobless and homeless...with only a car and clothes in the back seat.

During this time, Ive been in some of the most humbling positions ever. My faith in God has been restored and I tend to panic less. I thought by having a boyfriend, things would get better because I would have someone I can talk to, have fun with, and get better with during these trying times. WRONG! Ive never felt more unappreciated and worthless than I do now. What's worse is that everyone is telling me how messed up the situation is, like Im not the one going through it. Instead of running away and backing out, Im in the mind frame to make it better...just cant do it on my own. Seeing his friend and girlfriend together would give the average person a hint to take initiative to treat the person who is in your corner the same way. NOPE! I'd rather not waste time, but I cant back down without knowing what went wrong or at least trying to fix it.

I say this every single time that I go through something: I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY!! Being in this state too long is causing a damper on my emotions. I dont require much at all, just communication, appreciation, compromise, and love. As much as I try to get it, seems to get further and further away from my grasp. A great friend of mine told me to think positive at all times, especially since being negative doesnt help. That's why Im choosing to blog than whine about my problems, because once I vent, Im ready to find a solution. Friends would tell you that after I vent, I always say "I'll figure something out" because I dont like being in an idle stance, I want better!!! I want those around me to say that they're happy to have me around and proud of what Ive become, even after all this. God hasnt put anything on me I cannot handle, but Im truly hoping it's coming towards the end of the pain and the beginning of success.

Behind the (Closet) Doors...

I appreciate people who are genuine. Those who are consistent are also placed in my likes category. If you like what you like, then stand by it. Dont worry about what others think, because some people are gonna eventually jump on the bandwagon anyway. Therefore, I appreciate people who are open with their likes and dislikes as long as they are not judgemental themselves. What I do not have respect for is a person who lives a DOUBLE LIFE...strap on your seatbelts, because yes, I am going there.





OK...so it has come to be that I have a male friend who is exploring the forbidden world. Normally, I do not believe rumors because they hurt people. However, with this person, I used context clues before I made my own assumption of his lifestyle. Im sure everyone has come across a person who has characteristics of a gay male/female. With this particular guy, I didnt want to believe what I saw, so I kept ignoring the signs. He was a phenomenal dresser, extremely well groomed, and but never had a woman by his side. Now Ive met men who were just too fine, that they might outshine their girlfriends, but he wasnt even looking at beautiful women as they passed, like straight men would. Because we are friends, I felt comfortable enough to ask him if he was homosexual, in which he denied. As much as I wanted to believe him, yeah...I didnt, but I never brought it up again. Several months later, we were out and I saw another friend who was openly gay and spoke to him. I was going to introduce them but he said "Hey ____. How you been?" Immediately I thought "Ok, that was weird", but their conversation made me fully aware that they lived the same lifestyle. After that day, my friend and I had a sit down and discussed why he denied it and he finally came out. I appreciated it so much because it made me feel like he trusted me, which he didnt trust many. He said he had girlfriends in the past, but it was to cover up what others already assumed. Now, he's not openly gay, but I know his secret is safe with me.



I am totally okay with homosexuality as well as bisexuality. Many people question my sexuality, and some already know, but it's not for everyone to know or understand. Those who dont understand something usually tend to hate it. Wrong way of thinking, but when someone is not exposed to that possibility, it makes sense why they wouldnt like it at first. Like, a child who sees spinach for the first time: it looks gross so they assume it is gross and dont want to give it a chance. Two totally different examples, I know, but what Im saying is, people need to be more open with how they deal with things.



Back to my opinion about people that havent "come out of the closet". I dont mind you keeping things a secret because not everyone needs to know the who/what/whens of your personal life. What I dislike is that people live a life like a straight man/woman and sleep with the opposite sex, sometimes unprotected or in a committed relationship, and then have these secret gay lives outside of them. It puts the family members in danger by STD transmission or even physical harm being inflicted due to a lover's spat. Besides the obvious negative, infidelity, it can cause emotional damage to the family members and partners. I dont recommend it at all, but I would rather the man or parties involved be open with each other about it to prevent any additional drama that can or will occur.



There are a few people that my gay-dar (my gay detector) goes a little haywire on, but I dont know how to come out and ask them without being offensive. I am quite tactful on my delivery of my question, but some people, despite that, will immediately get defensive and become upset and ruin the friendship. All I want to do is get my questions answered, so I can govern myself accordingly when Im around you. This also makes it easier for a person to feel comfortable around me because when they speak of a person of the same sex being attractive, Im already aware that those feelings arent new. Therefore, I appreciate it by knowing and being given the opportunity to understand and later respect it. I want to be able to be open with my sexuality with others, so I'd want others to do the same.



I have much respect for those who go outside of the world's standards and do what makes them happy. I choose not to judge those because I am in pursuit of happiness myself. I just wish that it didnt have to be so hidden and taboo as to what the path of pursuit is. I do have some ?s I want to ask yall:

1) How would you feel if your closest male/female friend came out to you?
2) How would you feel if someone you looked up to were gay?
3) Would you continue to support a rapper/musician if they just openly came out as homosexual or bisexual?
4) If President Obama came out as a homosexual politician?
5) Would u be open to an older family member being gay?

**These are questions Im just asking to let you know that anything is possible and might happen. So just be open minded but please DONT BE A LIAR!

***AGAIN, FOR THE RECORD, I AM PRO-GAY! I RESPECT GAY/LESBIAN PEOPLE AND APPRECIATE THEIR ABILITY TO IGNORE WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO SAY ABOUT THEM. LOVE COMES IN MANY FORMS. I JUST DONT RESPECT THOSE THAT ABUSE IT***

The Thirsties/Groupies Are Winning!

Everyday, you hear people complaining about how they get approached by people with not a chance in hell. They seem to have the most confidence and determination, which is a set up for failure, if you ask me. Yet, they (as a whole) have not learned. Why? Because they are WINNING!



FELLAS: It gets OLD when you know that you're not on top of your game, but you approach someone that is like you can hang. A good friend of mine (@JoiTiffany) mentioned that there's always that one guy in the club that will grab girls' hands in the club until one sticks around. For some odd reason, that gives him the biggest ego booster, because as soon as she walks off, he's tuggin at another arm. What pisses me off is that his friends dont ever let him know that it's not cool to do that and the chick that fed into it has boosted his head up because she's so desperate to be approached, that her standards have been lowered. When he tugs at my arm and says the same weak lines he fed her and I decline, Im a "B*TCH". Really dude?? But who do I want to retaliate at more: The thirsty or the feeder??

What also bothers me is the ones who took the "if at first you dont succeed, try try again" saying to the CORE! I get that you believe that you're worth a little bit more than a "no" at first approach, but dayum! If she has the vibe that she's not interested, which you can tell, then you need to let it go. Dont get mad, because guess what; that low standards chick is coming soon. Until you get to her, take an L or 2 before you act like an angry dog with rabies if she declines. Many times, Ive been in situations where the guy just wont stop harassing me and then getting upset because I declined, even in a nice way. "No thank you. But I appreciate the compliments. Have a good night" doesnt seem to cut it. Apparently, I have to say "GRRRRRR!! NO MUTHAF*CKA! GET OUTTA MY COTDAYUM FACE BEFORE I CUT YOURS OFF!". After being approached in a rude or unnecessary manor several times, it honestly does make it hard for a guy who is genuine to approach me because off top, he's put in that Thirsties category.

Another annoyance is the easy access from these social networks. You try to be nice by following someone who asks on twitter to prevent from looking to boujee. Next thing you know, you get DMs like "Wussup? When u gon' let a nigga beat that thang up?". Or, you log onto facebook and you get 3 or 4 pop ups before you can log in good saying "Why dont u f*ck with a nigga?" or "Wussup baby? When can I come over?" Maybe Im too nice because I just log off or ignore. I guess it's time to do some damage control and start cursing folks out so they know that that approach was a fail. All Im asking for is that fellas start accepting "no" and stop acting like sour apple bitter...u know the rest. But Im not just going to get on my fellas, ladies can be thirsties too, they're just known better as; GROUPIES.



GIRLS: Everyone has a crush on someone, we get that. Some are people we actually know and some are some of heightened significance, aka celebrities. There's always stories of people that came from nothing and met a celeb, athlete, musician, etc and they caught his attention, now they're dating. Does that happen too often? No, because they're not attracted to thirsty women. Those would be called fanatics. No celebrity wants to date a woman who still has posters and t-shirts of them in their house before they even meet. The ones that get the guy are not effected by his money, shine, or fame...at least to his face. You can be a supporter of his career, but a fan, nah...those dont get the ring. Some women feel like their chances are higher when a celebrity visits their town. You'll catch them trying to stand out by dancing a lil more wild or trying to stand in the spotlight on the dance floor, being loud, whatever. I was in the bathroom and heard two girls talking about DMs they got from two celebs asking them to come visit. I never heard anything about getting flown out there or shopping sprees or anything that you hear rappers talking about in their songs. I was shaking my head because in their mind, they won. In my mind, they got played. I do notice how the ones that go the hardest on the first night seem to get the most attention than the ones that have some class and dignity. You see it all the time: what me, Essence, Kelli, Gennyfur, and others say: The GROUPIES are winning and it seems like it's not stopping any time soon. Chris Brown and Tyga have a song called "Regular Girl" on their Fan of A Fan mix tape http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMcDqZXoteY (here's the song if you havent heard it), but do you really think they would go out with a college girl that doesnt go to clubs and doesnt drink/smoke? Probably not because the tight dresses, lace fronts, expensive shoes, and booty are more appealing to them. SMH. Although the ones that flash the most get the most attention, realize ladies that it's only temporary and really, a negative characteristic to have. I dont know everything, but I only speak on what I know.

This conversation is pretty much another venting session, I apologize. Enjoy ya day...but dont let the THIRSTIES or GROUPIES win anymore! As long as you have something to do with it!

All My Energy, pt 2

If you're in my circle of friends and family, you will know that for the past 8 days, Ive been pulled in so many different directions that you would think I came in detachable pieces. The exhaustion and frustration all this has caused would be enough to make a brain com-bust. I owe this not happening to my good friends. So u can understand, let me go into some detail, k?

In the past 8 days, Ive had run ins with the police about something I had NOTHING to do with, yet became involuntarily involved in. I've had to lie, (attempt to) steal, and almost manipulate my way into getting results that Im not even sure are correct. I've had this gut feeling each time that it wasnt the best way to handle it, but each time Ive expressed it, the response is never understanding. Instead, Ive been ridiculed, embarrassed, pressured, and anything else you could think of that would bring drama into a person's life. All this over people who shouldve just let go when things first got bad. Now, they're ugly, and each person wants 1 up on each other. They fail to realize how many people they effect with these ridiculous games, but Im the only one that can speak for them by saying "hey, this is wrong and I want no part in it".

It's a lesson learned to me, but a very hard lesson: when a relationship gets sour and there's no communication that can be agreed upon, it's best to let it go and start the moving on process. Why continue to fight and go to war over something that just requires maturity and effective communication? Things like divorce can go smoothly or ugly, depending on the maturity factor. In my case, Im dealing with two people who I feel need work in the "grown up" department. I can understand if the motive to provide for the children was there in the beginning, but we're talking about a house and the right to say "Nannie nannie boo boo, I got the papers sent to u first". It's made me see that people can go from being in love to despising each other. I just dont know where things went wrong, but I do know effective communication is the biggest missing piece. Even though this is not my battle, Im using more energy to fight against my involvement.

I also just started a 3rd shift position at a hotel. Ive done this shift before, but I also had a different scenery to work with. Example, I could mop, fold towels, walk around, and possibly chill for the other 6 hours of my shift. Here, Ive got to actually handle paperwork and stay active or I'll go to sleep. I havent had to do a shift like this in 3 years, so it's new, but combine the change in sleep patterns and the disturbing calls from a family member saying "I know you just got off but I need..." and you've got my situation right now: a dysfunctional, exhausted me. Im sure it takes getting used to, however the combination of these two factors (new schedule and drama) causes me to worry. So far, I havent burned anything down or done something stupid, so I can only thank God for that. I believe I will like this position, as long as I can respect it and be willing to work. My primary focus is to make sure I can remain focused and never be in the same 2 month drought I was in up until a week ago. My physical energy may be low, but my spirit is lifted.

You know I wouldnt be Royale if I didnt have a relationship issue. Im starting to take ownership in the reason why I get let down so easily. It's because I let people that arent good for me seep through the cracks for what I think is good for the moment. Pleasing flesh or having good 5 minute conversations are only momentary pleasures and do not build meaningful relationships. I recently let someone I know damn-well wasnt the best choice hurt me. The reason being: I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I wanted to seem like I was a better choice for him. When everything was brought to light, I did appreciate his honesty before emotions go too involved, but I didnt appreciate his lack of tact and consideration for my feelings. Ive said this countless times: be upfront with people before you make any physical decisions to prevent confusion later. If things change, communicate it, but please be smart about the delivery. Once it is said, you must be prepared for the reaction to go any way. The avoiding, lying, or being an a-hole portion of it is pointless and unnecessary. I'd rather you tell me you're no longer interested than ignore me or find ways to make me upset. Just spare me the drama. You'd be surprised how many people can handle the truth vs the ones who will cause the damage you're expecting.

I am just hoping I find my true worth and steer clear from anything less. I deserve better because I know what it is and respect it. I want a husband, children, and true love but I dont want to be bitter or worried that it doesnt exist before it happens. Therefore, I have to channel the energy I spend on the drama mentioned above towards my pursuit of happiness. Once I get the right path set, Im on cruise control towards my goals and I refuse to look back.

Put You On BLAST

Greetings,


This is pretty much me saying that all this b.s around the world is getting on my nerves. There's more attention being added to bogus factors and less attention to those that need it. Being that Im well aware of my surroundings and have encountered numerous situations that familiarize these bogus situations, Im ready to put my thoughts on it. If it doesnt have anything to do with you, just tell a friend. If it does...then im putting YOU on BLAST.


Im not going to pull a Karrine Steffans or Kat Trapz, but Im just basing this off of my experiences or what Ive noticed about others. Apparently it's too much like right to be upfront in today's world, because so many people are making it by being fake or by negative attention. Now again, Im not trying to ruin anyone's life, it's just me bringing awareness to what's going on around me. I'll start with my previous employer (no name given). I worked there for over 2.5 years with very few issues or disputes with customers or employees. Being in a call center, that's pretty difficult not to. I did my job and made the company money, as well as loyal customers. Being that it sucked a lot of energy out of me, having time to myself was almost nonexistent. Still, I avoided taking advantage of the system, yet still got terminated. My boss, who got me to trust and open up to her, was the one who stated that based on an incident, I would be able to redeem myself and continue to remain employed. Yet the day I was fired, she was nowhere to be found. Finding out later, she issued my termination on the day we talked about the exact opposite occurring.Foul huh? So after hard work, energy, loyalty, and stress, I am unemployed in one of the roughest times of the economy. THEN, after receiving unemployment for 4 weeks, they are fighting it. WTF!?!?! How can I remain calm after something like that? All I can do is pray and hope that it works in the best way possible right? Yeah, saying that is easy....




Love is starting to seem like a fictional emotion in a Disney movie. Does it really exist? Ive searched for it but all I come up with is:...(access denied). I believed it existed at home but I was terribly mistaken. Ive searched for it in a male companion and got more hurt than before. Ive noticed that apparently, you can exchange vows but still be on the market for better relationships...strange. I mean, why be in a committed relationship if you KNOW you're going to cheat? That's ass-backwards. And the whole "see what happened was..." excuse is for the birds. If you're unhappy in your relationship and the only one holding on, LET IT GO! But I guess you get what you give.



Thirsty-ness...ugh! Theee worst! It should be a crime to text or call someone 4x more than they call or text you and get mad because the person doesnt respond to meaningless conversation. Someone got upset b/c we didnt talk as much as before but failed to realize that the anger they showed then was what caused us to stop talking before. Also, the "can you come over?" "When can I see you?" "Come now, please" "Why havent I seen you since yesterday?" "You must got a man". DUDE!! Calm thee hell down! We're not together so why is it mandatory that we co-exist in the same place so often? Yet if I was to say "I want a relationship", it would be "oh, um...uh...". Exactly, so let it be as it may. Playing it cool should come naturally and trust me, I notice it.

Liars...God must favor them because so many exist. Everyone has that one friend that lies about unnecessary stuff. Im waiting on the right time to confront this person about their lies, without seeming like an evil person, but this has got to stop. If your life isnt that exciting, it's ok. Dont say you traveled here or hung out with this or that celeb if you were just watching 106&Park in your living room. Honestly, I could care less about the fact that your real life is not as exciting as your dream life, so just be you. (Yes, Im talking to YOU). Why do you think I ask you the same questions so many times?? "We just dont believe you". (In my Drake voice).

I am far from perfect. I have weight problems, bad skin, etc, but Im working on each flaw. Not to perfect them, but to make myself more comfortable. By reading this post, someone may think Im coming off as arrogant, but Im not. Im observant and I speak what I feel when necessary. If any of this pertains to you and you want to address it, we sure can and still remain friends or at least civilized. Im not trying to hurt anyone, Im just stating what Ive seen that bothers me and what others may have gone through. One more thing: If your twitter/facebook life is waaaaaay cooler than your real life...sit down and re-think your goals. Ok, Im done. Thanks...

Huntsville Night (lack there of) Life

Ive been in Huntsville for almost 7 years and although I was only 17 when I started college, I was able to attend parties most 21 year olds attended. Outside of parties on campus or the off campus functions, there were only 1 or 2 spots you could go to and enjoy yourself and get the club experience. Now, it's hard to keep one open enough to attend faithfully and quite frankly, the ones we have now lack that spark of LIFE...

Now Im not writing this blog to completely bash or ridicule the clubs that are here. Im just merely asking: What happened? What happened to events that people used to dress nicely for? The events that had people talking about it weeks before and after the happened; the ones where you just HAD to be there or feel left out of the loop. Nowadays, people would rather stay home or travel hours away to get that same feeling we lack. But why? What happened?

There were a few clubs that I remembered that people STILL talk about, years later: The Elks, 721, Tabu, Greenroom, and Crossroads. The Elks was shut down due to minors drinking (raises hand). That was a smaller hole in the wall that had EVERYONE skipping study time to be there. It was shut down days after I moved here (never re-opened). 721 was THEE spot to club...if you were 21 or older. There was a dress code, and security was pretty deep. Standing in line was an event within itself. Plenty of celebs stepped through there, one of the most memorable was David Banner, who climbed on the caged wall. I think there was even a basketball court in there...hmmm. Anywho, that got shut down due to a shooting INSIDE the club (never re-opened). Tabu was a big wide area that used to have a VIP strip club. *honest point* Yes, in my slimmer days, I thought about dancing there. They had plenty of big names come thru such as Slim Thug, Pastor Troy, and Twista which in 2003-2006, were super huge. I changed my mind when while talking to the manager, someone said "Hey Royale, thinkin about dancing? I'll come more often if u do." Dream deferred. They later opened Tabu back up but after failed attempts to make it edgy and creative, it got bought out or shut down as well. Greenroom: Hood Central! The "locals" piled in there before 11 for $1 entry for cheap drinks like $3 FULL CUPS of STRONG ISLANDS and Purple Haze. After the ghetto fashion shows, crazy fights, and women with full pregnant bellies walked around for hours, you could end your night with a few numbers, drinks, hoes, and hot wings. Ahh...that was the life...until, you guessed it, it got shut down. All we have left really is Crossroads, a downtown more upscale venue that most entertainers will make their appearances. The best night to go is Wednesday, but SOME Saturday nights could use some work.

Again, Im not bashing any venue, party promoter, or event. Im just wondering how we got so far back from 7 years ago, esp since we have more material and connections with new and better things. I am a somewhat frequent ATL party go-er and I see things each time that I wish were brought to Huntsville. I mean come on, there are 5 different colleges and universities in this city alone, yet nowhere to go and nothing to do after 10 during the week and sometimes weekends. People look forward to major events, but sometimes it's hard to get people to attend those. Why? When a big name is in town: Juvenile, Pretty Ricky, Gucci, etc, THEN you see people come out the wood-works. But does it really take a celeb to bring people out to these venues and keep them entertained? We have plenty of talent and reasons to party in Huntsville, but not enough boost to keep people wanting to be at these events faithfully. I miss those days where I used to WANT to be out. Now Im either getting to know my home better or going out of town. Are promoters doing their jobs? Somewhat. Do the radio stations give their all in these events? Sure. But I dont just want to relive 2003-2006, I want to be able to take what was then and make it better for now.

If I could, I would spend a day with a productions/marketing/party promoting team to figure out what they do and how they do it, so I can understand what it takes to make these events happen and what could be done to fix it. For example, in ATL, you're likely to find go-go dancers and shot girls with full sex appeal walking/dancing to entertain, and there is really no need for a celeb guest at all times. The life in some of those clubs makes it hard to leave at 2 and 3 a.m. The DJs rock old, new, local, and worldwide hits and it never gets old. There are themes that bring out better responses: Lingerie and PJs, all white parties, Single, Taken, Not Datin, etc. As many people as we have in Huntsville, all it takes is a theme and some hype, and it'll be rocking like a party in ATL. Im hoping a promoter will see this and use their thinking caps to figure out what will bring life to our city. We would definitely get rid of this flat line of excitement.

Pursuit Of Happiness

Im always searching for it...I have no map, no compass, no guide, no navigation. All I have is hope and the passion to find it. Even though there are pot holes and road blocks, I wont stop until I find it. I deserve it. Being a player in this game for far too long has just about worn me out. I know that the victory is sweet and serene. I want it bad, but I refuse to step on toes, hurt someone, or become evil just to obtain it. I want it the honest way, when my time comes, I will have it. So, I'll tie up my shoes, in double knots, and start on a slow, steady pace towards it...while Im steadily in the pursuit of happiness.

(This one is short since all my others are long.)